I'm home again which is really great. In case it wasn't clear from prior blogs, I hit the jackpot again. My emergency surgery on May 30 was for a colostomy which removed part of my colon as the diverticulitis had caused a hole to be pierced in my colon. While I don't intend to talk much about dealing with a colostomy (but will answer questions), when my friend Danny asked me what it was, I answered succinctly, "I don't shit through my ass anymore." (Rachel approved and Linda disapproved of this entry.)
Some of the interesting events of my HUP stay are as follows:
When I was transferred from the ICU to a nice private room, I was moved from my old bed to the gurney and then the gurney to the new bed by a hoist that raised me like a large sack of potatoes on a cargo ship. Linda took a brief video of the procedure.
One night my nurse in the ICU had a strange street-type attitude for a nurse and actually made me a little distrustful of her. At 6:30 a.m. she informed me that she had just spoken with her parole officer. It wasn't totally surprising.
While I wore oxygen nose plugs for one day at most, two days later I still at times felt like they were still in my nose.
In bed, they have you wear thick cloth things around your lower legs that periodically pulsate to prevent blood clots in your calves. For several days it would feel like someone was bumping into me or pulling on my legs yet this didn't interfere with sleep.
My hallucination - One night at 2 a.m. I awoke and was concerned that the nurse hadn't been in at midnight (true) to take some measurements and do something else. I sat up and I wondered why the beds on both sides of me were missing. I thought something strange was going on and no one seemed to be around. I took off my leg pulsators and wanted to go out into the hall and find out what was up but because of my IV attachment, I realized I couldn't get away and then finally I realized, I was in my private room and there were no other beds.
Two nights I had a cockroach in my room. One time with a great flapping of wing noise, one jumped up on the wall in front of me. A nurse was in the room and tried to kill it with a towel (I had recommended a magazine), only succeeding in knocking it down and allowing it to escape. A couple nights later I saw one crawling around the floor but he was gone by the time I was able to get the nurse. With my limited mobility in bed, I couldn't track either cockroach completely. Fortunately, neither event affected my sleep. I didn't mention the cockroaches to Linda until today. She actually saw one one night in a hallway when she was leaving.
One day the social worker from the hospital or area came in. Linda thought she was like Marilyn Monroe and I felt she was more like Betty Boop. I was amazed she had found work outside of a cocktail waitress.
The doctor who came in this morning was so nice, I thought she was Simon the Likeable's daughter. Linda and I often refer to people who are ridiculously nice as Simon the Likeable, a character from the old Get Smart TV series.
Not having shaved for almost two weeks, I look like Gabby Hayes or, for those who are too young, like Gabby Johnson from Blazing Saddles.
Linda has been amazing throughout this ordeal, spending 12 hours at the hospital, getting me many things, talking with doctors and nurses, and making sure Rachel's shower was successful.
Best to all, especially Steve Reed who completed his triple heart by-pass surgery yesterday.
Elkan, June 8
No comments:
Post a Comment